Badfellas

(By American Zen’s Mike Flannigan, on loan from Ari)

It didn't take a political savant of a reverse William Kristol or Dick Morris to see that Paul Manafort, the former Trump campaign chairman and fulltime Russia stooge, would get the first salvo from the Mueller investigation right between the eyes. As a bonus, the Justice Department also ordered his sidekick Rick Gates to also turn himself in to the FBI. The first fruits of Mueller's probe includes 12 charges, among them: conspiracy against the United States, conspiracy of money laundering and failing to disclose paid work as a foreign agent. (Charges to which they've already pled not guilty in federal court as of 2 PM, EST.)

     Immediately after they'd surrendered at the FBI's Washington field office, George Papadopoulos, an unpaid foreign policy advisor to the Trump campaign, pleaded guilty to lying about having had contact with Russian officials.

     It wasn't enough for Trump to "make America great again"- He had to drag into the swamp with him a Martin Scorsese movie. Don't forget, last July the FBI dramatically raided Manafort's Alexandria's house in the predawn hours with guns drawn during a no-knock search that no doubt provided Mueller with the basis for his dozen indictments. If you want a picture of what the Trump administration will look like in 2018, just look at what's left of Manafort's old neighborhood on The Walking Dead.

    

     Predictably, Trump couldn't keep his stubby little fingers or his mouth shut when the grand jury's indictment was released to the media, as these typical tweets attest:

     Sure, the indictments that were handed down today and the charges therein had nothing whatsoever to do with the Trump campaign, transition team or administration. But it would be fallacious to assume Mueller's massive legal team did all that investigating so they could take down just two Republican hacks who never worked for the Trump administration. This is merely the first snowflake, if I can borrow the word from the right wing, in the biggest blizzard of the year.

There's Nothing to See Here, Comrades, Except Hillary Clinton

Predictably, the world's oldest seven year-old is using the typical second grader's defense: "But... but, look at her!" Unfortunately for the people within Trump's hamster ball, Private Citizen Hillary Clinton, even though she's in more pockets than 1964 nickels, is not under investigation by the Department of Justice. Her campaign did not collude with Russia and, as Secretary of State, she hadn't the power to either accept or reject the Uranium One deal. It's the tried-and-true right wing tactic of distract and deflect.

     At the same time, the Trump White House is also predictably playing the "Who's...?" game and running away from Manafort faster than a greyhound from a bathtub. Trump's downplaying Manafort's role, position and importance when he was the CEO of his campaign is palpably ludicrous. Manafort had his hands on the helm from March to August last year, which included the Republican National Convention in Cleveland (when Senator and future Attorney General Jeff Sessions had met with Russia's then-ambassador to the US Sergei Kislyak at the Mayflower Hotel, which he also "forgot" about). To say Manafort wasn't with the campaign long is like telling a person with bubonic plague, "Take it easy. You haven't had it for very long!"

     Paul Manafort's but the tip of the iceberg that was struck by the HMS Trump long, long ago. His connection to Russian nationals that went all the way up to Vladimir Putin and then Ukrainian Prime Minister and Putin puppet, Viktor Yanukovych were well-established by August last year. Manafort was in deep financial trouble until he saw Russia from his house and before anyone knew it, Trump's onetime right hand man profited off his behind-the-scenes work for Russia to the tune of tens of millions. In light of the indictments, it's safe to say Manafort's the highest profile lobbyist to go down in flames since Jack Abramoff.

     Again, the indictments are not about the Trump White House in any way, shape or form. 

     Then again, it took the Russians, once so lucrative for Manafort, several years to get to Berlin and the bunker beneath the Reichstag.

The Widow Maker

     Donald Trump is a worthless piece of shit.
     There is no need to gussy up that sentiment with wit, panache or any other literary embellishment. Because what we need in this country is plain, unvarnished truth and sentiment. And, ironically, the guy who's most credited and lauded for speaking without a filter is... Donald Trump.
     Because what's there to say about a Commander in Chief who insults a widow of his own making by callously saying her dead, mutilated husband "knew what he'd signed up for"? That he never once mentioned Sgt. La David Johnson by name because he couldn't be bothered to commit to memory the same number of names as the men who were killed in Benghazi?
     And, if that was Trump's only faux pas regarding Myeshia Johnson, it would be bad enough. You would think a widow, especially a new war widow with two small children and pregnant with her late husband's third, would be among the most pitiable and sacred people on the planet earth.
     But this is Donald fucking Trump we're talking about here, a "man" (for want of a better word) who's been afflicted with moral polio since his life began on June 14th, 1946. A guy who, like Dick Cheney, dodged the draft five times on account of bone spurs and played shiny tin solider in prep school to buff out his physical and moral cowardice. So, of course he made it worse.
     Myeshia Johnson, grief-stricken as she was, originally tried to give Trump an easy way out by saying only of the now-infamous call that Trump's gesture was a "nice" one. Of course, this was at exactly the same moment her Congresswoman, Rep. Frederica Wilson, lambasted Trump over the tone and content of the call. It was initially from her, a doctor in Education and a third term United States Representative, that we'd heard this. So naturally, when the truth came out, Trump had to double down on the lie and call the widow a liar when she confirmed her Congresswoman's account.
     Yes, Donald Trump became the first Commander in Chief to publicly call a war widow a liar. Then send out not one but two flacks in the persons of his Chief of Staff John Kelly and White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, two senior administration officials. The only wonder is that Trump showed enough restraint to not call Mrs. Johnson names from his shit-stained blue perch on Twitter.
     And while people are rightly saying that we should not pay attention to this as much as we should pay attention to the "Benghazi on steroids" that was the Niger massacre, we should not forget it entirely. He caused the widow that he'd created great pain at a time in her life when she needed it the least, as if anyone ever needs pain. He's launched a shameless attack on the Congresswoman who'd first given us the account, claiming through a fleshy curtain of more flacks that the "president's" call to Mrs. Johnson was "sacred" and that no one should've repeated what Trump's been denying he had said (even though it was certainly within the Johnson family's purview to allow the Congresswoman, a friend of the family for decades, to listen to the entire call on speakerphone.).
     It got even worse when Sarah Huckabee Sanders took to her podium after retired General John Kelly had stood behind the same one and essentially called the pregnant widow a liar again. And Sanders, who always looks as if she'd just found a vibrator in her daughter's underwear drawer, waggled her pudgy finger and said we should not question the honesty of four star generals.
     There was a reason why it took Trump so long to even acknowledge that there was an attack on our forces in Niger. That's because the intelligence community fucked up. The Department of Defense fucked up. Trump fucked up. Then his administration fucked up. It was the worst miscarriage of power this nation had ever seen since the murders of Pat Tillman and that of another Johnson, LaVena Johnson.
     It's all of a piece- The intelligence failure that told those 12 Green Berets they were unlikely to encounter any resistance even as they drove in unarmored pickup trucks into an ISIS stronghold, then had to wait a half hour, without air support, for the French to arrive so they could just gawk at the enemy because for reasons that have not been explained to us, were told to stand down and not fire a single bullet at the enemy. It took another half hour for an evac chopper to arrive, this one owned by a private corporation that didn't do head counts and left Sgt. Johnson behind and alone, for reasons that have also not been made known to us, while he was still alive (because his radio beacon, which was tied to his vitals, was still on). Then it took 48 more hours to reclaim his mutilated corpse, for reasons that also have not been explained to us.
     For a week, both the DoD, the Trump administration and their GOP enablers in Congress acted as if it never happened. Many Americans, including those of us who pride ourselves on having a good idea what's going on, wondered why we were in Niger and since when. The military loves you as long as you come back alive and reasonably well. They'll want to make a recruiting poster out of you as they wanted to do with former Cardinals safety and Army Ranger Pat Tillman until they say No.
     Until the Jessica Lynch's say, "That's not what happened."
     Then all bets are off. It's the same old, same old once they've outlived their usefulness.
     But this is a new low even for government officials, even Republicans. A war widow was called a liar when a guy who sent more special forces into a meat grinder of a country in which we seemingly do not belong with bad equipment, bad intelligence and careless war profiteers decided once again to punch down at a fresh widow who'd just buried her husband two days before.
     Because Donald Trump does not care about the lives of anyone who cannot do him and his family some good in the political and corporate arenas. And, if this KKK administration has shown so many times just since last summer, it is that it especially does not tolerate mouthy African American women who call bullshit on it. Jemele Hill, fresh off an inexplicable suspension at ESPN, can tell you all about that. Congresswoman Wilson can tell you all about that. And Myeshia Johnson can tell you all about that.
     Trump is like that dowager in that old children's book who fucks up a cup of tea and solicits advice on how to remedy it from all sorts of idiots who suggest salt, pepper, more sugar, which only made the tea more horrible because the dowager could not envision the possibility of simply starting over and making a fresh cup and doing it right. At the end of that book, she had finally learned that lesson.
     Trump never will because he's the world's oldest seven year-old.

Ten questions

     ...about the Niger massacre the wet-legged mainstream media and the duplicitous Republican Party will never ask this medieval shit show of an administration:
1) Why were the French, their only "backup", told (as when two snipers had their sights trained on bin Laden in Tora Bora 16 years ago) to stand down and not engage ISIS?
2) Why did a nation that last year spent over $521,700,000,000 on defense, more than the 19 nations below us COMBINED (18 of whom being allies) send our guys into ISIS-held territory in unarmored pickup trucks?
3) Why was the evac chopper not our military's but that of a war profiteer? We can't afford armored vehicles for our troops despite spending over half a trillion a year on defense but we can afford war profiteers?
4) Why did the Pentagon give them bad intel such as, "You're not likely to encounter resistance"? (Until they did.)
5) Why was Sgt. Johnson left behind?
6) Was he still alive when he was left behind?
7) Why did it take us 48 hours to pick up his mutilated corpse?
8) Why did the Pentagon act for a week as if it never happened?
9) Why didn't our Green Beret operators have air support?
10) What the FUCK are we doing in Niger and why are we just now finding out about our involvement there?

      Like Abbottobad six and a half years ago and that SEAL Team 6 raid in Yemen last January that got over two dozen civilians (eight of them children) and a SEAL killed, Niger was a clusterfuck from the gitgo. But the horror show in Niger has gotten all the traction of an ice cube on hot Teflon where Benghazi deserved its own subcommittee and funded by tens of millions in taxpayer dollars and 24/7 news coverage.
      Questions the GOP not only don't want answered but ones they dare not even ask (except for John McCain). Because, you know, Reagan's 11th Commandment and all.

Good Cop, Bad Cops Pt 4

     (By American Zen’s Mike Flannigan, on loan from Ari)

(Disclaimer: The proprietor of this blog and Mr. Wilson have an ongoing years-long friendship, in which the former has benefited on several occasions by the generosity of the latter. However, that in no way, shape or form has influenced the blog owner’s decision to post a series of articles about his case nor the content of what is written below.)

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

By now, even if you've had the intestinal fortitude to read this series of articles consecutively, I think it's well worth everyone's time to sum up our police soap opera: MA State Trooper Antone Wilson is assaulted, detained and ultimately was under false imprisonment at the hands of the Franklin, MA Police Department, who then had the nerve to file charges of assault against him. His attorneys were corrupt, incompetent and/or duplicitous enough to earn long suspensions from the state Board of Bar Overseers and he did not get the support he expected from his colleagues in the department. His family was stalked and burgled for years by elements believed to be state police-affiliated, his troop commander tried to illegally prevent him from serving with his Army Reserve unit and, oh yeah, a shrink from that same Massachusetts State Police deemed him unfit for duty for simply recognizing and pushing back against his own persecution. Are we all on the same page now, boys and girls? Excellent. Let's continue.

     By May of 2009, nearly eight and a half years after his ordeal began in Franklin, Massachusetts, Tpr Wilson was sent to another psychiatrist by the MA State Police for another in-depth assessment. As he had with the first shrink, Wilson provided documentation to this one who was ostensibly brought in for a third and definitive opinion (the second counselor had been paid out of Wilson's own pocket) and laid out all the facts regarding his persecution at the hands of the state police, the Franklin Police and the corruption and duplicity of his own attorneys. Wilson informed him he was being counseled by another behaviorist and had even begun serving with a local Army Homeland Security unit that was attached to FEMA. After this May meeting, Wilson was placed on active duty orders by the Army between July to October. Perhaps not surprisingly to Wilson, the third shrink backed up the first one's diagnosis and declared he was suffering from PTSD (although he'd attributed it to the improper actions of the state police and his attorneys).     

     By July 2009, Wilson was informed by the state police that he was still unfit to return to law enforcement duties because of the PTSD diagnoses and that they would discharge him from duty a month later, though they informed him that he should contact the agency if he requested an accommodation-read appeal. Wilson, requested another review because he believed the state police and the behaviorists misunderstood his motives. Wilson got this idea because the psychiatrist's diagnosis suggested Wilson was aiming for a 72% tax-free disability pension (he was not.). It's known as "a 72 and screw."

     Hence Wilson's request for an almost unprecedented third opinion. For once, things seemed to be going his way. The psychiatrist's documented assessment confirmed Wilson's contention that the mistreatment at the hands of the state police and his own attorneys was directly attributable to his condition. In fact, the third behaviorist's report stated that Tpr Wilson had improved enough to return to duties and he even suggested that Wilson be allowed to serve as police academy drill instructor. He'd further noted he could be placed on light or limited police duties as he continued his counseling.
     The counselor confirmed a PTSD diagnosis but concluded that the so-called PTSD would resolve itself over time, his psychological bearing being harmed, primarily, by the state police dishonoring him. Unfortunately, the psychiatrist's report never mentioned that his family had been stalked and burgled. However, he placed the blame for what had happened to Wilson squarely on the shoulders of the state police. Not surprisingly, this was the moment the Massachusetts State Police chose to stop listening to Wilson's shrinks.

General is Honorable Only in Rank

At this point, it's worth noting that Mr. Wilson had been on limited duty with the department for about eight months when he got wind he was denied reinstatement to full duty. Furthermore, he'd received word of his termination from the State Police while on active military duty attached to the Department of Homeland Security. In other words, Uncle Sam thought Wilson was good enough to defend the nation but the MA State Police couldn't trust him to patrol a patch of highway in the Bay State.

     Because of the time he'd accrued, he could retire with a pension even though his discharge was termed "general" rather than "honorable." To anyone afflicted with such a seemingly small distinction, this is detrimental to future job prospects and Wilson was not immune. Now, he understood by this this time he could file a wrongful termination lawsuit. Not only would that have been his legal and moral right, Wilson was also savvy enough to know such a lawsuit would bring out the dirty particulars and potentially to be amplified in the media.

     It's also worth reiterating this was exactly what the Massachusetts State Police did not want to happen, as they'd gone to extraordinary lengths to cover up that dirty laundry, even going as far as to cover for a municipal police agency after it had physically and verbally abused one of their own troopers. The department was also smart enough to know the legal malpractice would be at least as explosive, if not more, than the rest of the dirt.

     The Massachusetts State Police was also aware that Wilson had the documentation to prove his case (remember, his house had been burgled and legal documents rifled through). Put together in a comprehensive form, even a casual outsider such as myself could immediately see how radioactive this case was and still is to all parties who had something to protect.

     Among those interested parties was the Franklin, MA Police Department who, on the initiatives of the State Police, would probably not perjure themselves in court if compelled to and that it would further implicate that same MA State Police. In other words, in this increasingly complicated web of deceit, the State Police were primarily looking out for their own interests in their cynical assistance of the Franklin Police. But, as anyone can tell you, the coverup is always worse than the original crime. That applies to politics and everywhere else in life and this case is no exception.

Manoff, Hands of Fate

This brings us, and poor Tpr Wilson, into the deteriorating orbit of one Paul Manoff, Esq.

     Manoff is like a living object lesson in a John Grisham novel as to what a lawyer should not be. It's worth noting for those who lost track while keeping score that Trooper Wilson had by time this been afflicted with no less than four incompetent, corrupt and/or duplicitous attorneys and all Manoff did was continue that unbroken skein of bad luck.
     Whatever malevolent hands of cruel fate that brought poor Wilson to Manoff's office door for its cosmic amusement, Wilson eventually secured Manoff as his new counsel for another $10,000 retainer. The lawyer informed him his case was to be tried in federal court. Wilson immediately saw the impact could be exponentially greater on a federal level than it likely would've ever had on a state level. Furthermore, the players involved wouldn't be able to fiddle fuck with the outcome as they had in state-run courts. In order to ensure that the case would go forward, Wilson never told Manoff about his bad luck with attorneys.
     However, as with his prior legal counsel, Wilson immediately became suspicious when Manoff announced the case would be tried in state court, after all, since he decided (or had decided for him) that this was a state matter. So Manoff filed the complaint in Suffolk County Superior Court. Furthermore, when Wilson asked Manoff for State Police documentation, which was his right to see, Manoff was sluggish in responding. Of particular interest to Wilson were documents dealing with his disciplinary history because he'd suspected the State Police would've "disappeared" certain documents (called "spoliation" in legal jargon).
     Then, Wilson found out that his new attorney had been temporarily suspended by the State Board of Bar Overseers for a minor violation. Despite this, Manoff had the audacity to beg Wilson to retain his services as the suspension, Wilson was informed, wouldn't last long. Despite the horrible optics, Antone Wilson's a pretty trusting guy by nature so not only had he agreed to do so he even patted Manoff's chubby hand and supported him during his suspension.
     (Note: Manoff has since been reprimanded, placed on probation and suspended again as recently as a year and a half ago for, surprise surprise, neglect of his clients, among other charges. You can read about it here. It's also worth noting the same Paul Allan Manoff had also made quite a reputation for himself in the state of California and their own Board of Bar Overseers, which had described Manoff as potentially representing "a substantial threat of harm to the interests of (his) clients or to the public.")

     Despite his trust in his now officially useless attorney, Wilson was now admonishing Manoff for being "a sloppy administrator" especially in the area of securing and sharing with his client defense requests, but continued his support.. In fact, Manoff finally got around to asking Wilson for some document requests from the State Police. As a courtesy to Manoff, Wilson agreed to communicate with him through email. However sometimes electronic communication makes the world a much larger place rather than a smaller one and this case was no exception.
(Part 5.)

What Passes For Good News at the White House

       

     Then again, it's not Friday, which is tribal council day on Capitol Hill.
     For a guy who's spent almost a quarter of his Russia-gotten "presidency" on vacation, today's been a busy day for Trump. In short order, he's

Signed an Executive Order geared partially toward dismantling ObamaCare, which he almost forgot to sign... again.

Decided, like Israel, to withdraw from UNESCO because of "anti-Israel bias." Shit, even the Nazi government of Germany had a better appreciation for culture than this shit show of an administration. Then again, it could also be welcher Trump wants to run away from our $500,000,000 debt to UNESCO. Mind you, this is a clown who once handed Angela Merkel an invoice for £300 billion and has been screaming since Day One about other nations and what they supposedly owe for collective NATO defense.

Finally got around to nominating a replacement for John Kelly by tapping Kirstjen Nielsen, who worked alongside Kelly at both DHS and as Deputy Chief of Staff. However, it's likelier that Trump's promoting her because she rubs people the wrong way with her authoritarian and brusque management style.

       Jesus fucking Christ, when will it be Mueller time?

Good Times at Gotham City,10/6/17

Not All That Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas

 (By American Zen's Mike Flannigan, on loan from Ari)

"Steve took care of the people he loved. He helped make me and my family wealthy. He's the reason I was able to retire." -Las Vegas shooter's brother Eric Paddock

I think I speak for tens of millions of my fellow Americans when I simply I say I am tired of this. The latest mass shooting that put a spin on Las Vegas' nickname of Sin City, is the largest mass shooting in American history. Which is saying a lot for a gun-obsessed nation in which we've already seen 273 mass shootings involving four or more people in the first 274 days of this year. That's virtually one mass shooting a day in the glorious age of Trump.

     After Columbine, after Virginia Tech, after Newtown, when will it be time to start seriously talking about gun control? Never, according to the paranoid, lunatic fringe who still insist on either ignoring massive carnage such as we saw in Vegas or accusing the left of "politicizing" every such mass shooting. Or, very much in keeping with our capitalist society, gun manufacturers' stock prices skyrocketed just hours after the shooting.

     The problem is, or rather, it starts where feelings such as paranoia and terror of who knows what achieves more than an equal footing with easily ascertainable facts. And until we start dismissing the rampant paranoia and deliberate misreading of the 2nd Amendment of the gun-clutching faction, we'll never finally have that efficacious national debate about gun control measures that actually work. And, as John Adams said while defending British soldiers accused of shooting to death five American colonists at the Boston Massacre, "Facts are stubborn things."

     And these are some of the facts:

     Stephen Paddock, the multimillionaire shooter, was firing down at a group of people at a country music festival from 32 floors up for nine to eleven consecutive minutes. Watching the videos taken of the massacre, one suspects Paddock was using extended capacity clips to judge by the length of the bursts. And indeed, Las Vegas law enforcement found those empty extended capacity clips in his hotel room.

     Prior to what his asshole brother said in Orlando (During which, in true Trumpian fashion, he bragged that his brother who'd just murdered 58 humans, made him rich, allowing him to retire early) Stephen Paddock didn't "just snap." The mass shooting in Las Vegas last Sunday night was planned well in advance, with minute details meticulously plotted and executed. Among them:

     Previously renting a unit overlooking an even larger concert perhaps as a dry run.

     Bringing up to his room at the Mandalay Bay Resort ten rifles, some with extended capacity magazines and sniper's tripods.
     He set up not one but two sniper's nests.
     He set up cameras in the hallway and monitors in his room so he could film himself shooting innocents as well as see when police arrived.

     Obviously, he knew when the concert would take place and rented perhaps the highest hotel room available so he could set up the perfect kill box for maximum carnage.

     And he never intended to survive. When police finally broke into the room, Paddock did perhaps the only decent thing he ever did in his life and turned himself into a rotting corpse by blowing his brains out.

 The Other Stories

As is often the case, when there is one villain wreaking unimaginable havoc whether it be a hurricane or a gunman, unlikely heroes are spontaneously produced. Among them:

     John Phippen, a 56 year-old widower and father of six, who'd sacrificed his life to shield a woman he didn't know from the gunfire that would claim his life. His son also risked his life and was among the 515 wounded for helping another.

     Brennan Lee Stewart died while protecting his girlfriend.

     Jack Beaton died stepping in the path of bullets that would've killed his wife.

     Denise Burditus died in her husband's arms.

     Sonny Melton died protecting his wife, suffering a fatal gunshot in the back that otherwise would've struck his spouse.

     And these don't include the acts of heroism of those who'd survived Paddock's attack. And all these victims had one thing in common: They just wanted to hear some good country and western music and have a good time.

     And matching the facts are the remaining questions: In a city in which the casinos have better security than our airports, how could Paddock sneak ten rifles and thousands of rounds of ammunition in 13 suitcases into a hotel? Why wasn't there a metal detector at the entrance of the hotel? We have metal detectors in sporting venues, airports, courthouses, even high schools. Why not Mandalay Bay? And what answers does Congress have?

     Congress is bound and determined to pass a bill relaxing restrictions on buying and using silencers. Amazingly, brazenly and audaciously, it's called "The Hearing Protection Act of 2017." Because, let's think of the tender eardrums of gunmen like Stephen Paddock when they begin shooting scores of innocents to death. Who cares if the victims can't hear where the shots are coming from? Because, after all, if Stephen Paddock didn't have those pesky, liberal silencer laws to obey, he could've upped his body count exponentially.

     And Donald Trump said the Vegas shooting that killed nearly five dozen and wounded 515 or more was "a very very sad day for me personally."

     Maybe he's got another golf trophy to spare for one of the grieving relatives.

Small Right Hand (With apologies to Nick Cave)

Take a little stroll to the 19^th Hole
Go and ask the flacks
Where the spokesmen spin
Like a bowling pin
As they shift, backtrack.
Where Russian bots buzz like a turd with flies,
And Fox repeats the lies

CNN, you know
You’ll never get the facts
At the bar, at the carts,
At the rough, at the traps.
From the shit storm comes
A tall orange man
And grabbing all the pussies with
A small right hand.

Putin pulls him with his arm,
And tells him he’s a good boy.
He'll rekindle all your dreams
It takes him a second to destroy.
He'll promise you a wall
Where beaners foot the bill
But the border’s still porous in the southern land.

He's a pig, he's a lech,
He's a cad, he's a douchebag.
He hears whispered lies
In his disappearing mind
And he flips the middle finger
Of his small right hand.

You have lots of money?
Cab-i-net.
Just don’t you ask him

For a private jet.
You feel your judgment’s bad,
You feel like you’ve been had
Well don’t you worry, here

Robert Mueller comes
Deposing traitors and the spies
And seeing through the lies.
A slimy spatter’s cast wherever he lands,
Secret ten forties in his
Small right hand.


He cares for but ratings
In his two minutes hatings
He'll appear everywhere and
He is what he seems.
You'll hear him in your head,
As the tv screams
And hey buddy, he’s warning
You don’t turn him off
He's a pig, he's a lech,
He's a cad, he's a douchebag.

If you’re a Hispanic
In this catastrophic land
You’ll get a bitch-slapping with
His small right hand.